A Rocky Horror Purim Shpiel

Lyrics by Jason van Leeuwen,

modifications by Gail Foorman

Mordy(Brad) …………

Esther (Janet)………..

Ahashverosh (Professor)…

Haman (Frankenfurter)…..

Auf Ruf (Riff Raff)…

Yenta (Magenta)……….

Brandeis (Columbia)…

Talmudologist  (Narrator).


1. Religious Double Feature Purim Spiel  (Late Night Double Feature)

Chorus: The Holy One had fun

On the day the earth was done

And the Sabbath ruled the land

Eve and Adam heard

From the mouth of their good Lord

That they ruled the animal clan

But the snake was there

In his clandestine lair

He tempted them with sweet apple jam

Then at a lightening pace

From HaMakom (The Place)

And this is how the message ran:

2. Esther! Esther!  (Dammit, Janet)

Mordy: Esther?

Esther: Yes, Uncle Mordy?

Mordy: I’ve got something to say.

Esther: Uh, huh?

Mordy: I really love … the skillful way … you beat the other girls to the bride’s bouquet.

(music starts)

Mordy: You know that I think pork is shvester, Esther,

I don’t eat bread ’til I’ve blessed it, Esther,

Shatnez, no, polyester, Esther

I’ve one thing to say and that’s Esther, Esther, I’m a Jew

Vashti the queen was divested, Esther,

I’m certain that it distressed her, Esther,

Now it is your turn to best her, Esther,

I’ve one thing to say and that’s Esther, Esther,

You’re Jewish, too

Chorus: Here’s a book we think you should learn more of

Six hundred thirteen mitzvahs we must do

W follow every precept of the Torah

Aleph, Samech, Taf Reish,

You must too, hoo, hoo.

Esther: To be honest I thought you were nerdy, Mordy,

I laughed when they all called you shorty, Mordy

Now I see that your faith is so sturdy, Mordy

I have one thing to say and that’s Lordy, Mordy,

We are Jews.

3. There’s a Light  (There’s a Light)

Esther: In the ancient darkness

Of history’s blight

Burning bright

There’s a Jewish star

It matters what and who you are

Chorus: There’s a light

Over at the Persian Palace

There’s a light

Burning in our deepest place

There’s a light, light

In the darkness of Di-i-i-aspora life

4. Island in Time Warp  (Time Warp)

Auf Ruf: It’s astounding

Time is holy

Gladness takes its toll

But listen closely

Yenta: As if forever

Auf Ruf: As I take the

challah roll

Chorus: We need the Island

Island in time warp


That kiddush wine

When the cholent would hit me

And the Lord would be calling

All: Island in time warp again (2x)

5. Messed Up Aggagite (Sweet Transvestite)

Haman: Vos Machst Du? I

See you’ve shunned my

Edict to bow down

I’m just a

little brought down because

When I passed

You didn’t bow to Haman

Don’t get strung out

By the way I look

Don’t judge a book

By its cover

Don’t have

Much power

Outside the

palace gates

But inside

I’m the worst of marauders

I’m just a messed up Aggagite

(All: Messed up Aggagite)

From Amalekite

Mesopotamia, uh, uh

6. Teach Me  (Touch Me)

I was feeling done in

Couldn’t win

I’d only prayed once before

I thought there’s no use aiming

For Bat Mitzvah training

It only leads to splitting

Headache paining

Now all I want to know

Is “Israel Hear O”

I’ve heard God’s word and I want more

(More, more, more)

I’ll put up no reisistance

I’ll provide assistance

I’ve got a God to thank

For my existence

Teach-a, teach-a, teach-a, teach me

I want to be ho-o-o-ly

Guide me, guide me, provide me

With eternal light

7. We’ll Party With Haman (I Can Make Him a Man)

Randi: Could a meek queen weighing 98 pounds

Endure the king’s wrath

While standing her ground?

Gail: But soon near the throne

While standing alone

She heard the king purr

As he held out the sce- e- ep- ter

Randi: She made him listen and beam

And with cunning

And just a litlle bitty glea hea hea heam

His response was a scream.

8. Don’t Heed Him, String Him (Don’t Dream It, Be It)

Haman: Whatever happened

to Judge Ito

That bearded, satin-robed frame

As it clung to his backside

I just started to cry

Cause I wanted to be acquitted like OJ

9. Bless the Good Lord, O My Soul (Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul)

Ensemble: Whatever happened to Friday Night?

We dressed up sharp and we felt alright

It’s not the same with out the candelight

When I lit them, Shabbos was divine

I used to dress up in costume and go

To be a part of that Purim show

We sat in the front seat, graggers in tow

That Hamentaschen sure tasted fine

Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!

I really love that Esther scroll!

Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!

I really love that Esther scroll!

Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!

I really love that Esther scroll!

Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!

I really love that Esther scroll!